Saturday, July 17, 2010

sunshine, a/c, and dustbunnies

Nervously awaiting news on my potential new home. Trying to clean / pack / get rid of junk. How have I accumulated SO MUCH stuff in the past 2 years? I supposed I moved in with a lot, but really? Looking through my closet I realize how much my style has changed since college. People I don't see too often would comment on this from time to time but I never felt I looked very different. I guess I never felt I changed much, but in retrospect, perhaps I actually have.

I feel like I've been in a prolonged quarter-life crisis. It first reared its ugly head a few months after I started working about 3.5 years ago (where did the time go?!). The difficulties of adjusting to the "real world" and trying to be "grown up", trying to go out too much and work too much and feel energized and happy at the same time. How did I think it was possible? I suppose I still do it, but I think I have finally started to know my limits, and accept that some sacrifices are necessary.

Before I moved into my current apartment 2 years ago I considered buying a place. It seemed to make sense because who really wants to toss away thousands of green on rent, never to be seen again? It doesn't seem worth it for a place to call home that isn't really home. But then the reality of actually being in debt for the first time in my life scared me (yes, it's been a privileged life for me, thanks mom & dad). And the thought of feeling tied to Boston freaked me out even more. I didn't love it here and I thought if I owned something here, how would I ever leave?

Somehow it all seems okay now. I love Boston. And while this has been true for some time now, I've only recently felt okay saying it. Sometimes I still wonder if I'm settling because of the comfort, the familiarity of being here. But I'm not convinced that's all it is - I think I'm actually quite fond of the city. So now I'm looking at a few more years in this place. Yes, leaving will still be a possibility, because for me, figuring out what I want to be when I grow up is more important than where I want to be (I know I do not want to be in Wisconsin.. JK it wasn't thaaat bad!)

But to be serious, I suppose the real factors are who, where, and what, and then you make the when and the how happen. In other words, who you want to be with, where you want to be, what you want to be doing. Usually knowing one or two of the above forces the third to be flexible and then the rest falls into place. But what if you don't know any of the above? Where do you find direction???
It's slowly been sinking in that my best friend is married. MARRIED. Darling: So glad you found the who, but why does the where have to be so freakin' far?!

(my darling and her boo, may 2010)

Had an amazing dance day, but we'll save the gushing for another time. Back to waiting nervously by the phone, playing with dustbunnies and pretending to pack.

No comments:

Post a Comment