april 16th

A day after the Marathon and all the events that came with it, both happy and tragic, I awoke unsure whether to go to work.  After seeing Adam off and receiving notice that my office would be open, I decided to avoid taking the T.  While I love to stroll home from the office when it's warm out, I had never before walked to work.  On any other April 16th it would have been extremely pleasant - warm enough to unbutton my coat, sun shining through the just-budding trees, a mail carrier feeding the birds, construction workers lifting wood into a 4th floor apartment for some apparent renovations.  But today, glancing towards Copley along the cross streets, I could see the area blocked off, filled with news cameras and flashing lights.  Nearing the Commons I waited at the crosswalk as a Special Ops truck pulled in front of me, turning onto Comm Ave followed by two buses full of what appeared to be military personnel.   SWAT trucks on the Commons, and all sorts of security and law enforcement officials at the street corners in the Financial District.  Amidst all of this, people seem to be going about their lives, walking dogs, getting coffee, going to work or taking a walk - a cautious 'business as usual'.  But sitting in my office I'm reminded of yesterday's events as helicopters circle the area and the occasional medevac helicopter flies by.  I still don't know how to feel about all of it.  I am saddened that so many innocent people were affected, confused not really knowing what happened, yet encouraged to hear stories of how Boston's people reached out to all the runners, bystanders, and visitors in the city.  While the overwhelming outreach is heartwarming to witness, I can only hope that Boston's people don't forget this compassion as the months and years pass.  All too often we react to the immediate presence of an event, and in the aftermath, continually relive both the sad and the uplifting moments thanks to various incarnations of the media.  I can't help but feel like this is a dramatization that we've all been pulled into.  What happens as we move on?

Never intending to stay beyond college, Boston has sneakily found a way into my heart and over the years has become my home.  I would like to see the 2013 Marathon remain present for all of us without drama or bravado.  I hope that the injured heal, families of the victims find peace, and that all of us can remember to cherish each moment and look out for one another as we go about our lives. 

sad day boston

Adam and I took the day off today to enjoy the Boston Marathon.  Although I have lived in the area for years and often cheered on runners and friends along Commonwealth Ave, I had never been to watch at the finish line.  I took this photo at Boylston & Exeter just before 1pm today, within a block of the two explosions.  We didn't stay for long, moving on to take a walk through the city.  On our way home we decided to avoid the crowds and stayed closer to the Charles.  We were crossing over Exeter when we heard the explosions.  It sounded as if a large dumpster had been dropped on the ground, but so much louder that we could feel it.  There were sirens, but we had been hearing them all day.  When we made it to Fairfield we were met with a flood of people running towards us and on towards the river in panic, crying and yelling to get out of the city.  It was surreal.  I felt as if we were in a movie, but the fear and confusion around us was very real.  We are safely at home.  Thanks to everyone who has checked in on us.  It's so shocking, scary, and sad how dramatically that scene at the finish line shifted from the positive energy we experienced at that very spot to complete fear just two hours later. 

oh, january

I had all these great intentions of writing a Happy New Year post full of positivity and good intentions for 2013, but that just didn't happen.  And then I thought I could turn it into a happy birthday to me or things to do before I'm 30 post, but I missed that too.  (We did have a lovely dinner at Deuxave though.)

If I had written either of those posts, I would have made some sort of commitment to writing more often.  I'm glad that I wrote nearly twice as much in 2012 as in 2011, and I'd like to continue that trend.  Without writing nonsense, of course.  I know some of you are still checking in (I see the pageviews!) so I will continue to write.  I appreciate your stopping in, I do!

So let's make that some sort of a not-quite-new-year's resolution.  Here are some more / my 2013 to do list:

1. Write more.  Make it good.
2. Take better photos.
3. Try at least one new dinner recipe each month.  (We made chickpea soup last night - already accomplished for January!)
4. Bring a guest contributor on board.  (Shhh it's a surprise!  More details to come)
5. Keep that orchid alive.*
6. Finally actually post about Barcelona and Paris.  
7. Try rearranging the bedroom sometime this year.
8. Bring more color into our home.
9. Spend more time with family. 

I know a lot of that is ambiguous and relative, but I'm ok with that.

Good news: I already have a leg up on #7 - trip next month to Calgary / Banff to visit my sister!   Wee!


*This lovely orchid was a surprise from Adam in early December.  It's doing well so far but I think I was watering it too often.  If you're super perceptive maybe you noticed the print in the background on the left actually moved up to the entry.  The print on the right took its place.  A less-official #10 (or spin on #8): Hang more art!

wedding season

As I prepare for Liz's wedding this weekend, this post takes on special meaning. No, her wedding is not going to be at home, and will actually have a drastically different feel. But the story conveys the importance of having loved ones around - a good reminder that all the craziness is just stuff, while the relevant part is celebrating love.

This reminds me I still haven't posted about my sister's wedding. There are SO many photos to go through. As a snapshot, here's the "post show report" she put together:

procrastination

(Janie Taylor, ballerina - clothing by Chloé - photography by Bon Duke - all found here)

I haven't posted in ages. I will default and blame work. In reality it's more the adjustment to changes in work-life balance. Been traveling 4 days a week for the past 6 weeks, resulting in combined feelings of homesickness and homelessness. Sitting in the hotel at night I don't exactly want to be in front of my laptop all the time, and I find myself more often on the phone. When back in Boston I am excited and energized, but also bleary-eyed and overwhelmed with trying to be super-productive.

Trying not to whine, just adjust.

At the moment I am hanging out with PowerPoint and what's left of 4-hour old room service. As much as I just need to get this done and get in bed, I find myself reverting to my college self and procrastinating.

I keep watching this video of Janie Taylor, fueling dance inspiration and visions of wedding attire.

on short hair

I've had an on-again and off-again relationship with short hair since 8th grade, mostly staying true to the short over the past several years. As I attempt to grow it out, I find myself missing it, feeling a little more bland, noticing women with great short hair.

I stumbled across this piece from Vogue, c1988 ON SHORT HAIR, which speaks to exactly the feelings I'm beginning to miss...

"Women with short hair always look as if they have somewhere else to go... Once you have cut your hair you have to remember to wear lipstick, but you can put away the brush, elastics, and the black barrettes... With short hair you begin to crave pearl necklaces, long earrings, and a variety of sunglasses. And you brush your teeth more often. Short hair removes obvious femininity and replaces it with style... Short hair makes you aware of subtraction as style. You can no longer wear puffed sleeves or ruffles; the neat is suddenly preferable to the fussy. You eye the tweezers instead of the blusher. What else can you take away? You can’t hide behind short hair... You may look a little androgynous, a little unfinished, a little bare. You will look elegant... Short hair makes others think you have good bones, determination, and an agenda. The shape of your skull is commented on, so are its contents... your face is no longer a flat screen surrounded by a curtain: the world sees you in three dimensions."

I'm still going to give long hair a chance, but if I don't develop a love affair with long locks, it's right back to short.

little bits of happiness

This week has been terribly uneventful, but some little things have made me smile, brightening the winter gloom...

Clumps of snow on brick walls.
Deserted city streets. Iron doors.Wearing snow boots in the office.
Accidentally matching with Cara. Again.
New holidays, including Monday for MLK. (Happy bday to me!)
Still feeling that ballet class in my calves.
Earl grey + milk at work. (Much better than half&half)
Catching up with Naba. And wearing the fuzzy pink aloe socks she got me.
Modern Family.

best of 2010

Great year, great moments, great memories. Here are a few highlights:

dance.
The Boston dance family emerged with force in 2010: Static6 on ABDC, the evolution and great success of Static Noyze, the debut of ProNailz and Weapons of Mass, and new blood in the MIT dance scene.
My last shows with Ridonk were bittersweet (love you guys!).. three wolf moon shirts, Footwork2010 with Fannypak, winning the Roxy battle, an epic set without a happy ending, Adlai losing his shoe in Rahway.
I transitioned into ProNailz, which has been such a wonderful thing in my life. I never thought I'd be in a girl group, but spending time and dancing with such talented, fun, and strong women has been my balance in life and a real source of energy and happiness. I love you girls (and Mama and Papa)!

love.
It's been a year of expressions of love. Naba and Bejan got married and I've truly loved seeing their relationship and marriage strengthen each of them as individuals. My cousin Sarah's wedding was perhaps the most beautiful and sincere wedding I've ever attended - also sparking my desire to start this blog. Janina and Dan got engaged! Liz and Eric got engaged! It's been a great year for love, and it will continue into 2011 with weddings, wedding receptions, and celebrations.
EDIT: And Andrew and Jess got engaged! Just today!!! Aw baby brother...
life.

I've done a bit of growing up in 2010, and little things have changed as a reflection. After a year+ being blond, I went back to brown. And I'm starting to lose interest in my piercings - let one close in.I recently celebrated my 4 year anniversary at work, and I feel I've actually accomplished quite a lot. Coming in I never expected to stay longer than two years. It was a bit of a struggle for me to decide whether to move on or to stick around for a little longer - I'll be sticking around.
After two years in a studio apartment (which was supposed to be my last Boston home and my last years here), I came to terms with my actually liking this city and upgraded to a bigger place. It took months of scouring listings and trolling the streets of Boston - only to bring me back to the same neighborhood - but I love it. New home, check.


It flew by, but 2010 has been the year. Bring it on, 2011 - I've been waiting for you!

one-way mirrors

Coming home always ends up being a time for reflection.

This time around, the big realization that hit me in the face is we are growing up. This Christmas it was just me, Mom, and Dad. With significant others strongly in the picture, it's never going to just be the five of us again; I have to share my siblings with other families. It depressed me for a little. But I've gotten over that. I'd still be depressed if I didn't like these pending additions to the family, but it's quite the contrary. They are absolutely wonderful.

Doing a quick recap in my head, this year presented significant challenges, introduced exciting opportunities, and resulted in a lot of evolution. Looking ahead, 2011 promises to continue this trend. Here's to the fruits and pains!

I'll be back in Boston in a few hours with some good company. I'm totally impressed with my packing skills and cannot wait to keep working on the apartment. Taking two weeks off was the greatest idea ever.

saint nick

Merry Christmas, world.

It's been a while. I guess I could say "things have been crazy busy", which would be true but that's not the reason I haven't written. It's really because I feel like I don't have any good photos! Maybe it's time I invest in a new camera, and channel that asian in me (i.e., start snapping some photos already!)
I still owe a post from Thanksgiving, but now that the next holiday is upon us I figure I'll delay more and just think about Christmas.

It's a little unusual this year - just me and the parents. We drove down from Boston today and will be spending tomorrow / Christmas just the three of us. I suppose this is what happens as us kids get older and start having our own lives.
Part of me feels sad to not celebrate Christmas as usual this year. But it's also never been a huge holiday for us; really it's just been a time to come home and be with family. And that's just what I'm doing. There will be lots of cooking and feasting. And while there may not be a huge thing with piles of gifts and Santa Claus, I think it will be pretty great.

Plus, my parents already gave the invaluable gift of visiting and helping decorate! The apartment is still not photo-ready, but here are some new (or planned) additions:

(some assortment of west elm, ikea, pottery barn, cb2, etc...)

chasing daylight

I started writing this post a few weeks ago in a moment of downtime at work. Appropriately enough, it got lost in the shuffle until just now...



I remember one of the first CDs I ever purchased was Sister Hazel's somewhere more familiar album. I think my sister and I found it in some second-hand shop somewhere in NYC; probably got it for about $5 and figured it might be good.

Turns out some of Sister Hazel's earlier albums (somewhere more familiar, Fortress, Chasing Daylight) have gifted some of my favorite songs, which have remained real and alive for me over the years when all my other music seems old and worn.

One of my favorites from the Chasing Daylight album is "Life Got In The Way". I used to just happily sing along, not really giving the lyrics much thought. As I've gotten older, it's started to resonate with me more - in a general sense.

Our lives really are just a sequence of events. We hope these events are exciting and adventurous, that our interactions are ones of love and joy.

But real life often seems much less noteworthy.

Perhaps the challenge is finding the excitement and adventure, love and joy in these things we do every day. And then not letting the hiccups, the drudgery, the drama (the "life") get in the way.

As the Thanksgiving holiday is nearly upon us, I'm reminded of the simple joy of being at home with family - I'm so excited I'm scared to think about it (must focus on this presentation today!). But the point is, I need to keep these kinds of joys in my life - my daily life.
As the days, weeks, and months - well really, even years - keep zooming by, I realize more and more that I need to make space (and make sacred this space) for the small things I enjoy and the big possibilities that life presents. It's about finding that balance between savoring the moment and creating a future I'm excited to live. Otherwise, what's the point?

poetry

Funny how it took a chic flick to remind me how much I love (and miss) reading. Maybe it's time I pick up a novel for the holidays.

A poem I've always loved:


i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                              i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings

heigh-ho, heigh-ho

I generally try to avoid writing about work. I don't like feeling work dominates my life, although that is probably closer to a reality for me than I would like to admit.

Regardless, it would be a complete lie to say work doesn't affect me. It dictates where I physically am from day to day, how tired I am, to some extent what I wear, and even what / where I eat. It's difficult to not seem like I'm complaining about it, but work often (although certainly not always) dominates my life.

I periodically wonder why I'm doing what I do, and whether it's worth it. I am rapidly approaching my 4-year anniversary with the company. FOUR years. I can hardly believe I have been out of college for that long, much less at one place of employment for that long.

Yes, I feel like I am still learning and I am challenged daily. Without a doubt, these things are of utmost importance. But it's hard to trump a few things. Regardless of a career path and the actual material of one's work, I feel like it's about the time spent being worth it - and to me that comes down to three factors:

1. Advancement: If there's no forward / upward mobility, no achievable professional goals within grasp, then what's the point?
2. Compensation: Let's be real. If the pay doesn't justify the hours, if the strains on personal life aren't outbalanced (or at least balanced) by benefits, then what's the point?
3. People: This can be debated, but at least for me, the people I work with impact my daily life and my personal state of being in a huge way. In fact, the people often make all of this worth it for me, trumping #1 and #2.

I guess all of this has been on my mind as I approach this anniversary - a stake in the ground that reminds me what I've been up to, how much of my life I have dedicated to it, and the unspoken question of how much longer I will stick around.

It's difficult to consider a new job and the associated new location, new surroundings, and new people, when a routine has been established, when relationships have grown, and when life already works the way it is. But when it comes down to it, I'd make life work regardless. There is no other option. And change is probably in order more often than not. So maybe it's time to face all the scary bits and think about what I really want.

The above #s 1, 2, and 3 can be found in a lot of places. It would be easiest for me to stay in Boston, particularly as I've put down roots here and the thought of moving again too soon makes me queasy.

As I've mulled over this in the past month or so, I had somewhat "decided" to stay for about another year. But that decision has left me still a little uneasy. Some things still aren't quite right, and I don't want to feel like I'm settling, just doing what's easiest.

Maybe it's time to push myself harder and step out of the comfortable cocoon I have made for myself here. I need to make a few (unreasonable?) requests and put things in motion to improve the quality of this life. This life needs change.

rainy monday

Been raining all day. Kinda a drag, especially since I'm on the road. Would be so happy if I had my rain boots (and if they were appropriate work attire).

I can't believe it's been a week since my last post. Sometimes it really baffles me how quickly the time passes, and I do have to wonder if I'm spending it in the most productive way. Productive not necessarily equating to efficiency, but more focusing on progress towards some (admittedly undefined) end goal.

Been in a bit of a reflective state lately, I think a combined effect of having recently seen family, visited with old friends, and started yet another project at work. All have made me realize time has passed and that whether or not I have been conscious of it, I had / have some expectations about what life would look like at this point. Of course the reality doesn't exactly mirror the expectations. And that's okay. In some ways it's better; but there are other undeniable areas for improvement and focus.

Somewhat choppy photodiary of the past week. Philly with Jason to recruit at Wharton, but the real highlight was seeing Steph...

NY for work didn't warrant any photos, but Fri night back in the Bean meant Royale with some dancers...


Drove to CT on Sat with Bella (!!!) for Nick & Naoco's wedding. Beautiful, heartfelt, and sincere but lighthearted and playful. Great to reunite with so many amazing and fun people from MIT. Wish I had taken more photos, but it seemed like many others had that well under control.



Got back on Sunday and spent the evening eating leftover Cracker Barrel from the ride home (thanks, Andre), watching Nikita, finally finishing the closets, and starting to paint the hallways. The cordless drill is a great invention.

Looking ahead I think I'm in NY, Dallas, and Chicago across upcoming weeks. My body aches to dance. I miss my Nailz.